Distorted Mirrors

Throughout primary school, teachers always felt it necessary for us  to write our news and occasionally read it to the whole classroom. Now,  that would have been all well and fine if I actually had a life. You  don’t really do much as a kid besides go to school, go home, play, eat,  sleep. And somehow, everyday what we write in our news is supposed to be  different.

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So this morning, like every morning, my alarm went off at 05h30… This  morning, like every morning, I got up more than an hour after 05h30…  The reason for this? The snooze button. I’ve always wondered why this  button was actually created. Honestly, after snoozing for so long, and  having to press that button every 10 minutes, you wake up more irritated  and more angry with the world than if you had just left the warm  enclaves of your bed the first time it rang.

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Age is nothing but a number

So last week Wednesday was my birthday. Not really entertaining. I  don’t really celebrate birthdays. It’s just too much admin trying to  determine who you want to get angry with you because you didn’t invite  them. The last time I celebrated was when I was 7 and that’s because my  parents are the ones who drew up the guestlist.

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Sorry I’m a champion

As mentioned in an earlier posts, I’ve taken a few dabs at mainstream  hip hop. It was one of my useless attempts to get my social acceptance  certificate. From what I’ve heard, Jay-Z is the king of rap (forgive me  if I use the terms rap and hip hop interchangeably; I actually don’t  know the difference). In his song in Blueprint 3, the one in which the  chorus goes “Everyday a star is born (clap for ‘em, clap for ‘em, clap  for ‘em, hey)” (I’m not sure what the name of the song is), he mentions  all that’s been big in mainstream rap over the past few years, but still  alludes to the fact that he trumps over them all. In a song in one of  his previous albums, Lost One, he apologises for being a champion. I’m  not really sure what the song is actually about. He talks about how hard  it is being famous, how hard it is being with Beyonce, how hard it is  with his nephew’s death, but then he apologises for being great, for  being a champion.

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Lights. Camera. Action!

Those who know me know that I’m not really a movie person. I watch  about 5 movies a year in total. That’s inclusive of both the big screen  and the small screen. Cinema, DVD, SABC, Etv, all of it. It also sucks  in social situations, because whenever people are trying to make  conversation with you, it defaults to 2 things: sport and movies, both  of which I don’t follow. At least with sport you can fake it (social  rule #34: if ever in a sport conversation, and don’t know what to say,  just say, “WHAT’S UP WITH THE REF, HE’S SUCH A COST, THE GUY WAS  OFFSIDE!” It always works.)

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Inspiration… motivation… dedication

So in one of my earlier posts, I talked about my need to go to the  gym. How it becomes a new years resolution and how it never works out.  This year it started differently…

I have been  consistently at least 2 times a month. You may laugh, but it’s  something. Only problem is I haven’t been there in about a month and a  half now. Not so cool. My question is, what keeps you inspired,  motivated and dedicated to something? I’m actually out of ideas now…  please help…

Cleaning out my closet…

In High School, Eminem / Slim Shady was big. If you weren’t quoting  him in your English orals, your life was just meaningless. He was angry  with the world, angry with his mother, angry with Britney Spears, angry  with life and cared only for his daughter. Suddenly everyone I knew  started becoming angry with everyone, and started throwing in random  vulgarities within sentences that were completely meaningful without  them. Like someone walking up to you and saying “I’m having an *&^(%  good day (*&(&), but that (&)(*& teacher did me so  (*&^(*&^ wrong by £()($%% failing me on that *()&&*^  test I didn’t ££$*&£ study for. Does that make sense to you? Didn’t  really make sense to me either.

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Where, O Logic, is your sting?

When I was 13, in grade 7, I had the perfect game strategy to get  whatever girl I wanted at the time. It was so simple. All you had to do was to stand. Stand somewhere in her proximity. Preferably wearing the latest fashionable shoes (it was the latest trainers then with the  graphic on the side). And the latest Axe deodorant (it was called Ego then). I think it was Ego African Amber at the time. From this point, what would happen is she would see me from 50m away, walk up to me, and tell me how she’s completely attracted to me, and thinks I’m irresistibly attractive. Makes complete sense right? I mean, why wouldn’t this possibly work? I was fully convinced that this was  a fail-proof strategy. May explain why I got rejected twice that year.  (Maybe I should have used Brut spray instead of Axe. I think that’s what all the 13 year old players used at the time. I think that’s what  Justin Bieber uses now).

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6 steps to becoming part of the broke middle class

Are you tired of having to live a responsible life and be disciplined  with your finances? Are you tired of preparing for the future, and  making sure you have enough for tomorrow? Do you want to live in the  now!? A life of temporary freedom and fun!? If that’s you, this post is  for you!!!

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Dreaming in slow motion

Lots of kids have interesting dreams of what they would like to be  when they grow up. Some little boys dream of being firefighters,  policemen, sportsmen, or hip hop video stars. Little girls dream of  being princesses, 50 cent video girls, baby mamas, and the like. (I  actually don’t know what little girls dream of becoming. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I was not a little girl, and therefore did not have the dreams that little girls have). What did I want to  become: A computer programmer!

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