Pat Kayongo

Got a big ego… such a big ego….

A few centuries ago, about 200 AD (or CE to be more culturally relevant and not offend anyone by making references to J*s*s [censored just in case someone gets awkward]), I started this blog. In my attempt to sound deep, I said that everyone has their own microphone, and I’m just trying to reach the world with my microphone.

Nasal Particles

Recently I’ve started volunteering to work with the youth in the church that I go to. It’s actually an interesting, fun experience, and reminds me of my time as an adolescent. Reminded me that as a teenager, there two laws in life of which every other law comes secondary. The laws? Look cool, and get the girls to notice you. From these two, all other laws come from.

Distorted Mirrors

Throughout primary school, teachers always felt it necessary for us to write our news and occasionally read it to the whole classroom. Now, that would have been all well and fine if I actually had a life. You don’t really do much as a kid besides go to school, go home, play, eat, sleep. And somehow, everyday what we write in our news is supposed to be different.

Snooze

So this morning, like every morning, my alarm went off at 05h30… This morning, like every morning, I got up more than an hour after 05h30… The reason for this? The snooze button. I’ve always wondered why this button was actually created. Honestly, after snoozing for so long, and having to press that button every 10 minutes, you wake up more irritated and more angry with the world than if you had just left the warm enclaves of your bed the first time it rang.

Age is nothing but a number

So last week Wednesday was my birthday. Not really entertaining. I don’t really celebrate birthdays. It’s just too much admin trying to determine who you want to get angry with you because you didn’t invite them. The last time I celebrated was when I was 7 and that’s because my parents are the ones who drew up the guestlist.

Sorry I’m a champion

As mentioned in an earlier posts, I’ve taken a few dabs at mainstream hip hop. It was one of my useless attempts to get my social acceptance certificate. From what I’ve heard, Jay-Z is the king of rap (forgive me if I use the terms rap and hip hop interchangeably; I actually don’t know the difference). In his song in Blueprint 3, the one in which the chorus goes “Everyday a star is born (clap for ‘em, clap for ‘em, clap for ‘em, hey)” (I’m not sure what the name of the song is), he mentions all that’s been big in mainstream rap over the past few years, but still alludes to the fact that he trumps over them all. In a song in one of his previous albums, Lost One, he apologises for being a champion. I’m not really sure what the song is actually about. He talks about how hard it is being famous, how hard it is being with Beyonce, how hard it is with his nephew’s death, but then he apologises for being great, for being a champion.

Lights. Camera. Action!

Those who know me know that I’m not really a movie person. I watch about 5 movies a year in total. That’s inclusive of both the big screen and the small screen. Cinema, DVD, SABC, Etv, all of it. It also sucks in social situations, because whenever people are trying to make conversation with you, it defaults to 2 things: sport and movies, both of which I don’t follow. At least with sport you can fake it (social rule #34: if ever in a sport conversation, and don’t know what to say, just say, “WHAT’S UP WITH THE REF, HE’S SUCH A COST, THE GUY WAS OFFSIDE!” It always works.)

Inspiration… motivation… dedication

So in one of my earlier posts, I talked about my need to go to the gym. How it becomes a new years resolution and how it never works out. This year it started differently…

I have been consistently at least 2 times a month. You may laugh, but it’s something. Only problem is I haven’t been there in about a month and a half now. Not so cool. My question is, what keeps you inspired, motivated and dedicated to something? I’m actually out of ideas now… please help…

Cleaning out my closet…

In High School, Eminem / Slim Shady was big. If you weren’t quoting him in your English orals, your life was just meaningless. He was angry with the world, angry with his mother, angry with Britney Spears, angry with life and cared only for his daughter. Suddenly everyone I knew started becoming angry with everyone, and started throwing in random vulgarities within sentences that were completely meaningful without them. Like someone walking up to you and saying “I’m having an *&^(% good day (*&(&), but that (&)(*& teacher did me so (*&^(*&^ wrong by £()($%% failing me on that *()&&*^ test I didn’t ££$*&£ study for. Does that make sense to you? Didn’t really make sense to me either.

Where, O Logic, is your sting?

When I was 13, in grade 7, I had the perfect game strategy to get whatever girl I wanted at the time. It was so simple. All you had to do was to stand. Stand somewhere in her proximity. Preferably wearing the latest fashionable shoes (it was the latest trainers then with the graphic on the side). And the latest Axe deodorant (it was called Ego then). I think it was Ego African Amber at the time. From this point, what would happen is she would see me from 50m away, walk up to me, and tell me how she’s completely attracted to me, and thinks I’m irresistibly attractive. Makes complete sense right? I mean, why wouldn’t this possibly work? I was fully convinced that this was a fail-proof strategy. May explain why I got rejected twice that year. (Maybe I should have used Brut spray instead of Axe. I think that’s what all the 13 year old players used at the time. I think that’s what Justin Bieber uses now).