6 steps to becoming part of the broke middle class

Are you tired of having to live a responsible life and be disciplined  with your finances? Are you tired of preparing for the future, and  making sure you have enough for tomorrow? Do you want to live in the  now!? A life of temporary freedom and fun!? If that’s you, this post is  for you!!!

Don’t you get  tired when people tell you boring things like its good to save, and  getting in debt is bad, and spend responsibly? If you do, follow these  easy steps, and in absolutely no time, you’ll be part of newly esteemed  broke middle class.

  1. Draw up a budget 2 weeks after  you get your salary. It’s certainly not liberating to be defined by  rules you have put over yourself. Be free, live happy. At least after  those 2 weeks, you would have had all your fun, and you can focus on the  boring things like paying for insurance, and rent, and food in your  fridge.
  2. Eat out ALWAYS! Cooking for yourself is  soooo old school. Who still does that? If you can outsource the cooking  functions in your home to McDonalds, Nandos or Primi, why not? I mean,  all you’re doing is contributing to job creation (which is a good thing,  isn’t it?).
  3. Saving is soooo archaic. If you save at  the beginning of the month, keep in the back of your mind that what  you’re saving is to be used at the end of the month anyway when you  don’t have any money to feed yourself. If that’s the kind of forward  thinking you employ, you’re a legend. If you’re thinking about years  from now, you seriously need to get a life!
  4. Always  try and keep up with the Mthembus (unfortunately we no longer refer to  the Dlaminis as they relocated to Australia and went bankrupt, after  trying to catch up with the Jones). Did Wiseman Mthembu just get a new  set of golf clubs? Your life couldn’t function with them. Did Beauty  Mthembu just get that new 23-in-1  cooker-cleaner-polisher-ironer-husband-wife-omatic 5000XT? I mean, life  would be dramatically impossible without it. We’ve been on the edge of  death thus far.
  5. Debt is good. And not just any debt.  Not the boring debt used to buy a house, or pay for your car. I’m  talking about the credit card debt that you use to fund the amazingly  awesome life that you’re living right now. That credit card that can be  used to pay for that absolutely disgusting tastless meal served at that  pretentious restaurant. That credit card that can be used to buy that  new outfit that will just make you feel sooo good inside. You need to  get one. Fast! And banks are giving them out more these days. Trust me. I  know.
  6. Lastly, never ever ever give to anything or  anyone that doesn’t directly benefit you. I mean, tithes and offering at  church? You don’t have that kind of money to spend on such things.  Someone is in need of financial assistance? What! Doesn’t God help those  who help themselves? (Aside: where does that line even come from?).   No, you need the money for you and you alone! Who cares about storing  up treasures in heaven? That’s just so so far away!

If  you’re like me, and have followed these 6 easy steps to financial  disaster, welcome to the cool club. Everyone is doing it. If you’re one  of those boring people who have handled their finances in a disciplined  manner, GET A LIFE! Everything you have in life may be on loan, and you  may have to give an account for it, but hey, AT LEAST I HAD FUN!

Have you received your certificate as a member of the cool club?

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