Are you tired of having to live a responsible life and be disciplined with your finances? Are you tired of preparing for the future, and making sure you have enough for tomorrow? Do you want to live in the now!? A life of temporary freedom and fun!? If that’s you, this post is for you!!!
Don’t you get tired when people tell you boring things like its good to save, and getting in debt is bad, and spend responsibly? If you do, follow these easy steps, and in absolutely no time, you’ll be part of newly esteemed broke middle class.
- Draw up a budget 2 weeks after you get your salary. It’s certainly not liberating to be defined by rules you have put over yourself. Be free, live happy. At least after those 2 weeks, you would have had all your fun, and you can focus on the boring things like paying for insurance, and rent, and food in your fridge.
- Eat out ALWAYS! Cooking for yourself is soooo old school. Who still does that? If you can outsource the cooking functions in your home to McDonalds, Nandos or Primi, why not? I mean, all you’re doing is contributing to job creation (which is a good thing, isn’t it?).
- Saving is soooo archaic. If you save at the beginning of the month, keep in the back of your mind that what you’re saving is to be used at the end of the month anyway when you don’t have any money to feed yourself. If that’s the kind of forward thinking you employ, you’re a legend. If you’re thinking about years from now, you seriously need to get a life!
- Always try and keep up with the Mthembus (unfortunately we no longer refer to the Dlaminis as they relocated to Australia and went bankrupt, after trying to catch up with the Jones). Did Wiseman Mthembu just get a new set of golf clubs? Your life couldn’t function with them. Did Beauty Mthembu just get that new 23-in-1 cooker-cleaner-polisher-ironer-husband-wife-omatic 5000XT? I mean, life would be dramatically impossible without it. We’ve been on the edge of death thus far.
- Debt is good. And not just any debt. Not the boring debt used to buy a house, or pay for your car. I’m talking about the credit card debt that you use to fund the amazingly awesome life that you’re living right now. That credit card that can be used to pay for that absolutely disgusting tastless meal served at that pretentious restaurant. That credit card that can be used to buy that new outfit that will just make you feel sooo good inside. You need to get one. Fast! And banks are giving them out more these days. Trust me. I know.
- Lastly, never ever ever give to anything or anyone that doesn’t directly benefit you. I mean, tithes and offering at church? You don’t have that kind of money to spend on such things. Someone is in need of financial assistance? What! Doesn’t God help those who help themselves? (Aside: where does that line even come from?). No, you need the money for you and you alone! Who cares about storing up treasures in heaven? That’s just so so far away!
If you’re like me, and have followed these 6 easy steps to financial disaster, welcome to the cool club. Everyone is doing it. If you’re one of those boring people who have handled their finances in a disciplined manner, GET A LIFE! Everything you have in life may be on loan, and you may have to give an account for it, but hey, AT LEAST I HAD FUN!
Have you received your certificate as a member of the cool club?