Catechisms for a Secular World

Aren’t we happy we’ve moved away from the days when religion ruled the world. Thank heavens the  universe we are no longer subject to rules and regulations created by  archaic institutions subjecting everyone to oppression. But, in order to  survive in this world without the bondage of organized religion, we  need to create some laws common understandings so that everyone can just get along.

Even though what they taught may have been archaic, the way some of these communities prisons passed on their instructions had some sense. Some of them had these things called catechisms to help teach indoctrinate some of the new entrants into their fold. These consist of  questions and answers about a divine being that people memorize in  order to understand the world better. But, we’re past that now, so we  can create some new catechisms relevant to our society today.

Question: What is our only hope in life and death?

Answer: Our only hope is to look within ourselves, and bring whatever  is deep within out. Because, deep inside every human being is a  sunflower, that just wants to come out and bloom. If you look deep  inside, and you see a person that lies, gets jealous, is filled with  anger and unforgiveness, and has prejudice, don’t worry, if you look  deeper inside, you may find more of the same thing something beautiful which you can embrace, and hold onto, and feel better about yourself.

Question: What is god?

Answer: God is what you make it to be. Different people have  different names for it. Some call it The Universe. Others call it  Barney, the dinosaur from our imagination, and when he’s tall he’s what  we call a dinosaur sensation. The point isn’t in the object of the  belief. The point is in having a belief. Like having an imaginary  friend. The point isn’t that the friend doesn’t exist. The point is that  you get the awesome opportunity to talk to yourself when you walk down  the street.

Question: How and why did god create us?

Answer: Well, because god can be anything he is to you, then the  reason he created you can be anything you come up with. Purpose is found  within you, deep down inside. If you feel deep inside that the reason  you were created is to soar like an eagle, than go and do it! If you  feel like the reason you were created is to rid the world of niggers,  then… ummm… well… You see, purpose can be whatever you construct in the  depths of your soul (whatever that is).

Question: What else did god create?

Does that even matter? The universe is about you! You’re the master of it!

Question: Is there a universal right and wrong?

As we’ve mentioned, everyone is a flower blooming. Everyone is a  caterpillar undergoing metamorphosis. So there is no real right and  wrong. The only wrong there is is to say that someone else is doing  something wrong. That’s judging. And judging is wrong. So what if Sifiso  lied? We don’t know what’s going on inside of him. We can’t judge him.  So what if Hendrik Verwoerd believed that blacks aren’t as human as  whites. It wasn’t wrong. We can’t judge him! As that popular song on the  radio nowadays goes “To my home girls with the big butt, shaking it  like we at a strip club, remember only god can judge ya”… And if this  god is whatever you want it to be, then #winning!

Question: Is anyone imperfect?

Answer: Well, we’re not all perfect. But we are all perfect. Like,  sometimes we mess up, but we’re still being true to ourselves. It’s one  of those paradoxes of life. It makes sense 23 seconds after your alarm  rings in the morning.

Anyway, this is getting tooooo long. But hey, live by these laws  guidelines and you’ll have an awesome time in this world. If everyone holds on to these teachings, we’ll all be one awesome religion.

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