Aren’t we happy we’ve moved away from the days when religion ruled the world. Thank heavens the universe we are no longer subject to rules and regulations created by archaic institutions subjecting everyone to oppression. But, in order to survive in this world without the bondage of organized religion, we need to create some laws common understandings so that everyone can just get along.
Even though what they taught may have been archaic, the way some of these communities prisons passed on their instructions had some sense. Some of them had these things called catechisms to help teach indoctrinate some of the new entrants into their fold. These consist of questions and answers about a divine being that people memorize in order to understand the world better. But, we’re past that now, so we can create some new catechisms relevant to our society today.
Question: What is our only hope in life and death?
Answer: Our only hope is to look within ourselves, and bring whatever is deep within out. Because, deep inside every human being is a sunflower, that just wants to come out and bloom. If you look deep inside, and you see a person that lies, gets jealous, is filled with anger and unforgiveness, and has prejudice, don’t worry, if you look deeper inside, you may find more of the same thing something beautiful which you can embrace, and hold onto, and feel better about yourself.
Question: What is god?
Answer: God is what you make it to be. Different people have different names for it. Some call it The Universe. Others call it Barney, the dinosaur from our imagination, and when he’s tall he’s what we call a dinosaur sensation. The point isn’t in the object of the belief. The point is in having a belief. Like having an imaginary friend. The point isn’t that the friend doesn’t exist. The point is that you get the awesome opportunity to talk to yourself when you walk down the street.
Question: How and why did god create us?
Answer: Well, because god can be anything he is to you, then the reason he created you can be anything you come up with. Purpose is found within you, deep down inside. If you feel deep inside that the reason you were created is to soar like an eagle, than go and do it! If you feel like the reason you were created is to rid the world of niggers, then… ummm… well… You see, purpose can be whatever you construct in the depths of your soul (whatever that is).
Question: What else did god create?
Does that even matter? The universe is about you! You’re the master of it!
Question: Is there a universal right and wrong?
As we’ve mentioned, everyone is a flower blooming. Everyone is a caterpillar undergoing metamorphosis. So there is no real right and wrong. The only wrong there is is to say that someone else is doing something wrong. That’s judging. And judging is wrong. So what if Sifiso lied? We don’t know what’s going on inside of him. We can’t judge him. So what if Hendrik Verwoerd believed that blacks aren’t as human as whites. It wasn’t wrong. We can’t judge him! As that popular song on the radio nowadays goes “To my home girls with the big butt, shaking it like we at a strip club, remember only god can judge ya”… And if this god is whatever you want it to be, then #winning!
Question: Is anyone imperfect?
Answer: Well, we’re not all perfect. But we are all perfect. Like, sometimes we mess up, but we’re still being true to ourselves. It’s one of those paradoxes of life. It makes sense 23 seconds after your alarm rings in the morning.
Anyway, this is getting tooooo long. But hey, live by these laws guidelines and you’ll have an awesome time in this world. If everyone holds on to these teachings, we’ll all be one awesome religion.